Tosser
March 27, 2009
I spent some time in Waterstone’s today, getting pissed off with young writers. Or, with myself, for not ever having had the inclination to finish anything I have started. I wish I had a book to my name. I just wish I could have FINISHED SOMETHING, but it hasn’t happened yet. My problem? I start. And then I think, what was I thinking? That is not a good enough idea for a Whole Book! They will never put you in the books bit for that crap! And then I stop – an idiot who will never ever fill a hundred pages.
I just wish I had written something. It doesn’t even matter about being in the books bit. I wish I was writing something right now. But I’m not. (This doesn’t count. It’s BORING and not profound and tedious and why-oh-why-would-you-read-THAT? What could I possibly do that GGC isn’t already doing better?!) And I am fed up, because I really wanted to write something good. And instead I am Not Writing At All, good or otherwise, and.. Now I am just like everybody else who ‘wants to write’ but doesn’t. Tosser.
I know. I have a baby to look after and shouldn’t be too harsh on myself. I have Meaning and Purpose in my life and it (he!) is fabulous. He’s a fairly wonderful human being. I just feel like my evenings should maybe be spent a little more productively, if I don’t want to be writing this exact same blog post a year from now. (It’s there, already, before, I’m sure.)
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1.
billygean | March 27, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I do exactly the same thing. the most I ever wrote was 50,000 words and that was because I will ill and had nothing to do for an entire YEAR.
And even then, i think, this is rubbish. Or, who wants to know what I think about THAT. And even if the plot’s good enough I don’t know what to write when the big bits of the plot aren’t happening. I.e character needs to get from A to B. I am crap!
In short, I feel your pain!
2.
Bernard | March 28, 2009 at 1:08 pm
You can do it !
3.
Helen | March 29, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Ah I’m not the only one who feels like this! (and er…yes…I haven’t commented for a while. Disappeared off face of earth for a while). I keep meaning to write something myself, I love writing…but when I do I feel it’s absolute rubbish…*sigh*. But you’re not rubbish! You write a blog – that has to be a really good start!
Btw, in answer to that comment ageees ago, I finished at King’s in 2002 and am now finished with the PG study. Not sure it’s helping get a proper job in the real world yet though. Doing freelance translation at the moment, nice and flexible, but feeling as though I shouldn’t waste my PhD and should go into academia (but the people are all so strange and competitive and I don’t like it! *whine*). Am in the same position re. trying to find out what exactly I want to do! I think a really good masters can help you along the way in the real world but I don’t think postgrad study is the be all and end all. Taken me long enough to find out
Enjoy your little boy for a bit longer I’d say, find a level footing and use the time to enjoy him and think about writing. Hey, thinking’s just as important as doing, ok! Maybe try your hand at some freelance writing jobbys in the meantime while you’re at home with Hallam? Have come across several requests for freelance writers in my work as translator (look on Guardian jobs or do google search)…just a thought. Probably a daft one. Hope Exeter is treating you well so far! xx
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